For the past 2 1/2 months I've been renting a house with three close friends, one of them being and it's been kind of surreal (in a good way). We're all in the same year of university, all interested in the same things, all really defectively subnormal in our own endearing ways (or so I think haha). I feel very lucky to be in the position I'm in, getting an education, living in a nice little home with great friends, it's kind of idyllic. I love my parents/house back home (just not the dumbass city), but there's something very right about being here this year that wasn't present last year (MAYBE BECAUSE I WAS LIVING IN RESIDENCE LOL) I'm still taking art as my major and I have no clue why!

My mind is constantly active now that I'm here. There's so much to think about, TOO much. I'm taking courses about our relationship with the environment and how corporations and the media have taken control over our society. The environmental class in particular is very sobering and it doesn't censor anything. The textbook is quite radical for a textbook and we're exposed to things occuring every day around the world that are horrific. I LOVE this course, so much and I am so passionate when I talk about what I'm learning, I WANT to learn, which is a first! The only problem is....I've always thought humans have fucked over the planet and ourselves. I have little to no respect for our way of life in western society and I find our concepts of value in material goods and green paper and metal coins very abstract and hard to understand. But the courses I'm being exposed to in university are pushing my beliefs even further. There are countless disgusting behaviours we exhibit every day and I don't know how we can live with ourselves, how we can keep DELUDING ourselves into thinking our behaviour is rational. We're totally fucked up. I feel like I'm in a horror/ sci-fi novel about a dystopic future world. The majority of people I see, all look like zombies to me and the things we are doing to our planet....I can't even comprehend. WE ARE SO FUCKED UP! Before, I was always feeling out of place, never feeling right, always thinking about everything bad going on in the world, but now...now I feel like an alien. Every day I step back and take a look at us as an outsider and we seem primitave and savage. We consume like it's a disease, we kill like its a pleasure, we are so SELFISH and greedy. I hate that I'm a part of this. I'm so overwhelmed and confused and scared. For now, I'm going to keep learning and keep growing and keep associating with people who have similar values like my housemates and friends....and then....then I'm gonna go kick some ass.

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On a separate note, my message/deviation center is backing up once again, and once again I don't have the time to reply to everyone how I would like. So I'm going to wait untill this semester ends in 3 weeks and then give everyone some love.

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I'm a sad little person

I'm foster-parenting one of my housemates betta fish (more like he took pity on me because he knows how desperately I want a pet). His name is fishsticks. He's been up in my room since I moved in....and I had no idea you could get so attached to a little fish! When I first brought him to his new surroundings he was extremely lethargic and tentative. Then he seemed really happy. Then he got really sick D: . There was one night where I was kind of spooning the tank on the floor (it was freezing so I put him a bit closer to the heater), and he looked so miserable. He hadn't eaten for 12 days and I probably spent 15 hours trying to figure out what was wrong with him, but he didn't match any single betta illness I found. That night, I was looking at poor little fishsticks and he was looking at me with these little sad eyes, and before I knew it I was crying like a baby. I KNOW, IT'S A FISH. I'M LONELY OKAY?? I slept on the floor and spooned the tank the entire night. The very next day, I woke up wondering if he has died during the night. He was still alive, but barely it looked like. I tried to feed him a pellet, knowing it was useless. AND HE ATE IT. I cried like a baby again and galloped around the house yelling "fishsticks atteeee, he's aliivvveeee." 3 weeks later he's like a brand new fish, he's extra colourful, making huge bubble nests, and doing laps around his tank. But it's strange...now we have this odd connection. Every time I come into the room, he swims up to me excitedly and wiggles back and forth like an excited puppy. He follows me around the room and only calms down once I give him attention and sit at my desk next to him. I love this fish T_____T He's like a little person trapped inside a fish's body. OH GOD. HOW AM I GOING TO BE WHEN I HAVE DOGS AND CATS AND VOLUNTEER AT ANIMAL RESCUE SANCTUARIES????

And on a final and completely inappropriate note, I'm as randy as a rabbit and going slightly insane. I think one day soon I might snap and pounce on someone. NO ONE IS SAFE.